eatsyourscience | For my fine aquatic Otter friend

For my fine aquatic Otter friend

It's been two days.

Two days alone in this house, without Nanako's cheerful "welcome home!". Without the nightly quiz shows on the television downstairs, without dirty dishes in the sink, without the simple knowledge that he isn't the only one there. It's unbearable. Even Dojima's absence, as common an occurrence as it is, seems more obvious than normal.

Souji hates being alone. He'd forgotten what it was like, or has been letting himself think he has. The first night, after coming home from the hospital, he convinces himself to remain calm and settles for pacing first the living room and then his bedroom restlessly. He's gotten used to staying up late, sometimes only sleeping four or five hours a night, so it doesn't faze him when he barely gets about two hours total--stolen ten minutes at a time when he sits down on the couch in his room and considers calling someone, but doesn't.

That first day is a blur, and so is the second night, but in a different way. He knows what he spend the night doing. He knows because his room is a disaster. Everything that he could break, everything he could rip or throw or flip or otherwise destroy has been. He barely remembers doing any of it and he can't bring himself to care when he wakes up on the floor in the middle of the mess on the second day. He doesn't say anything to his friends because if he does they'll worry about him, and he doesn't want that. There are more important things to be focused on right now than his self-indulgent tantrums. Besides, if they knew he was faltering this much, and now when he most needs to be the leader--

And now it's the end of the second day and the start of the third night, and there's nothing left to do except notice how empty the house is around him.

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On the floor in his room, Souji hears the doorbell but ignores it. It's probably just the neighbors or Adachi or one of the many other people he can't bring himself to face right now. He doesn't want to answer questions or pretend it doesn't piss him off to hear people try to offer platitudes in a situation like this.

He's barely slept in the last two days and he's probably eaten less. He hasn't even changed out of his uniform. It's wrinkled now, but there doesn't seem to be any point in changing when he knows he'll have to put it on again tomorrow. There's no way he can talk to anyone in this state. So he sighs and turns over on the floor and decides to let whoever it is think he's out or asleep already.

Weird. More than weird, concerning. Souji was never the type to leave a door unanswered. When he looks through the window, he can see the lights in the kitchen area on. Someone had to be home... Yousuke knows that there's a key underneath a certain rock in the backyard garden, and it's there. He went back around and let himself in

"Hello? Souji?" he calls, locking the door behind him and stepping out of his shoes. The home is so eerily quiet, each step seems to echo, and he can hear himself breathing. He stalks around the living room, but his leader isn't to be found. He calls again, and doesn't get an answer.

Now he's getting worried. The thought of being invasive doesn't deter him. Yousuke climbs the stairs and comes to Souji's room. It's dark... Was he sleeping? But even a sleeping person would've heard him ring the doorbell so many times. So he paws around for the light switch where he remembered it to be.

"Souji?" he asks again, as he feels the switch and flicks it on.

What he sees makes him drop his bag in shock.

Souji thinks he probably should have expected Yousuke. He sits up slowly, letting his blanket droop around his waist and puts a hand to his neck as he tilts his head to the side, trying to relieve some soreness from sleeping on the floor.

It's a measured act, too casual to be genuine, even for him. He doesn't look at Yousuke as he climbs to his feet, pretending he needs to keep his eyes on what he's doing.

"Sorry. I thought it was the neighbors." Next time he'll just answer the door. That way he'll avoid having to explain things he never wanted people to see to begin with. "....Sorry."

"It's... okay."

For a moment, he can't move. Between him and the room is a threshold, a feeling he can't explain. Despair? Madness? Souji won't look him in the eyes, and he's not sure if he wants to see them either. Their leader was always cool and calm, and they depended on him to be that way. And they all knew what the was capable of. So would this be... danger?

He swallows, and takes a step in. Over the cage-shelf where he kept few things-- there really wasn't much here that was his, was there? It wasn't his home. Not with his "family" elsewhere.

"It's okay. I was just coming to check up-- Sorry. I should have called first."

Yousuke finds that he can hardly move his eyes from his own feet either... Damn it. Of all the places to be a coward.

If it had been two nights ago or even last night, he would have been glad for the company. Now Souji just feels exposed.

He takes a breath and looks up at Yousuke picking his way through the mess. He tries to keep his expression normal--neutral--even as he's desperately pulling his thoughts into order. His hands tugging at the hem of his shirt must give away his anxiety, though, and he forces himself to be stop.

"That would have been good." But now he feels like a manikin. Too stiff and still to be natural.

He knows what the others expect from him. What they need from him. This isn't even close to it.

"Sorry," he repeats himself. He comes closer to Souji, and then... stops. What was one even supposed to do in a situation like this? He looks around himself and notices all sorts of things. The small television he kept on his dresser was turned on it's face on the floor, the calendar that hasn't been marked since that day-- a boxcutter jammed into a book so hard it stood upright. It almost made him sweat.

"Did you...?" Yousuke looks about himself, suggesting what he meant to say silently.

Souji looks around, too, taking in just how bad it was. How bad it must look to someone else. He nods without speaking.

Wow. Of course it had to be him, unless a ransacking somehow happened without either of them noticing, but still. The quiet is still pervasive. Someone's dog is barking. Yousuke takes a deep breath.

"Come on," he finally says, with a jerk of his head towards the door, "we can fix this later. I brought food."

That, at least, can be done. He didn't need to know his private troubles to heat up some dinner. Getting out of this wreck would help enough.

After a few seconds too long, Souji nods and steps over--through?--his shelves to get to the door. He leaves the light in his room on, because at least the low buzz from the light is some noise to keep him company.

It's not until he's in the hallway that he says anything. "You didn't have to."

"Yeah I did," he says as they go down the stairs, looking back at Souji briefly , "you're alone here, right? Someone's gotta make sure you eat."

To be specific, it was Nanako that usually did that. But he knew mentioning her name would only make things worse.

At the bottom of the stairs, Souji glances around. Everything is still where it should be, even the clutter on the kitchen table. It had to be the way it always was when Nanako and Dojima got back.

That dog is still barking. It barks most nights, but lately it seems like it's gotten louder.

"What did you bring?" He tries not to make it sound like a demand. He's not trying to push Yousuke out of the house. His presence is a relief, even if it's awkward after what he saw.

"Nothing special," he replies as he fiddles with their microwave, "actually, you're probably used to some of this stuff. Don't you guys get dishes from Junes sometimes? That's all this is; I can't cook for crap."

Yousuke runs at the mouth as usual, to fill the silence.

Nodding, Souji takes a seat at the table, turning the chair so that he's sitting in it sideways, facing toward the kitchen. Sure, he can cook, but it's Nanako who does the shopping. It would be strange to do it by himself. Like an admission he didn't want to make.

"Do you have time to go in tomorrow?" He wishes he hadn't asked as soon as the words leave his mouth. They came out in his normal tone of voice, but to him it sounds too much like pleading.

"...Of course I do."

He can see that look, this time. The struggle he saw in his room was now starting to creep onto his face. He's not sure if this will turn out good or bad.

"We all do. Even if we don't, we'll make it. Whenever you say the word."

"We all love her too." Not as much as you, but we do.

Nodding, Souji looks past him at the microwave. Nanako's practically part of the group, even if she doesn't know about the TV world and the Shadows.

She knows now.

He flinches at the thought but keeps it to himself.

"Thanks."

Yousuke nods in return, and for awhile, it's quiet again. The microwave hums, the stupid dog keeps barking, and the two of them sit without a word spoken. When the food is done heating, he sets it out, and also gets something for them to drink. Like he said, it's plain stuff, porks cutlets, pickle salad... But to a hungry man, any food is delicious. He's fine with simply letting Souji eat in silence, if that's what he needed.

The food is all familiar. He's eaten it with Nanako--and occasionally Dojima--several times before. Eating is a familiar activity and easy to do without thinking about it. But it feels strange to be eating with Yousuke and not listening to him talk at the same time. Yousuke and silence just don't go well together. Not that Souji can blame him. He taps his chopsticks on the edge of the container in front of him just to have a little noise. Even the dog's stopped barking.

Yousuke responds by childishly tapping his two chopsticks against his own plate as if it were a cymbal. He grins a little lopsided smile.

The corner of Souji's mouth quirks. "Was Junes busy tonight?"

"Nah, not really. I was in charge of cleaning the foot court tonight and hardly anyone goes up there after 6 or so. Everyone around here likes to eat dinner at home I guess."

He hits his glass a few times as well for good measure.

Souji does the same, trying to hit between Yousuke's ~~sick~~ beats.

"That's not too bad." Knowing how busy the Junes food court could get firsthand, he felt like it was okay to comment.

"Yeah. It was a late shift, but there wasn't anyone around to bother me."

Distraction was nice. For a moment, he forgot about what he saw in that bedroom. To have a smile on his face and to see one trying to get on Souji's as well was refreshing.

Something occurs to Souji and his smile slips back into neutral. "Do you have to pick up a lot of shifts soon?"

Yousuke shakes his head. "I'm off for tomorrow and I have inventory in the morning the day after that. I'll be around for going in," he replies, assuming that was why he was asking.

It was. Souji nods. "Hopefully we can finish it quickly."

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/icon buddles

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