eatsyourscience | For my fine aquatic Otter friend

For my fine aquatic Otter friend

It's been two days.

Two days alone in this house, without Nanako's cheerful "welcome home!". Without the nightly quiz shows on the television downstairs, without dirty dishes in the sink, without the simple knowledge that he isn't the only one there. It's unbearable. Even Dojima's absence, as common an occurrence as it is, seems more obvious than normal.

Souji hates being alone. He'd forgotten what it was like, or has been letting himself think he has. The first night, after coming home from the hospital, he convinces himself to remain calm and settles for pacing first the living room and then his bedroom restlessly. He's gotten used to staying up late, sometimes only sleeping four or five hours a night, so it doesn't faze him when he barely gets about two hours total--stolen ten minutes at a time when he sits down on the couch in his room and considers calling someone, but doesn't.

That first day is a blur, and so is the second night, but in a different way. He knows what he spend the night doing. He knows because his room is a disaster. Everything that he could break, everything he could rip or throw or flip or otherwise destroy has been. He barely remembers doing any of it and he can't bring himself to care when he wakes up on the floor in the middle of the mess on the second day. He doesn't say anything to his friends because if he does they'll worry about him, and he doesn't want that. There are more important things to be focused on right now than his self-indulgent tantrums. Besides, if they knew he was faltering this much, and now when he most needs to be the leader--

And now it's the end of the second day and the start of the third night, and there's nothing left to do except notice how empty the house is around him.

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After a few seconds too long, Souji nods and steps over--through?--his shelves to get to the door. He leaves the light in his room on, because at least the low buzz from the light is some noise to keep him company.

It's not until he's in the hallway that he says anything. "You didn't have to."

"Yeah I did," he says as they go down the stairs, looking back at Souji briefly , "you're alone here, right? Someone's gotta make sure you eat."

To be specific, it was Nanako that usually did that. But he knew mentioning her name would only make things worse.

At the bottom of the stairs, Souji glances around. Everything is still where it should be, even the clutter on the kitchen table. It had to be the way it always was when Nanako and Dojima got back.

That dog is still barking. It barks most nights, but lately it seems like it's gotten louder.

"What did you bring?" He tries not to make it sound like a demand. He's not trying to push Yousuke out of the house. His presence is a relief, even if it's awkward after what he saw.

"Nothing special," he replies as he fiddles with their microwave, "actually, you're probably used to some of this stuff. Don't you guys get dishes from Junes sometimes? That's all this is; I can't cook for crap."

Yousuke runs at the mouth as usual, to fill the silence.

Nodding, Souji takes a seat at the table, turning the chair so that he's sitting in it sideways, facing toward the kitchen. Sure, he can cook, but it's Nanako who does the shopping. It would be strange to do it by himself. Like an admission he didn't want to make.

"Do you have time to go in tomorrow?" He wishes he hadn't asked as soon as the words leave his mouth. They came out in his normal tone of voice, but to him it sounds too much like pleading.

"...Of course I do."

He can see that look, this time. The struggle he saw in his room was now starting to creep onto his face. He's not sure if this will turn out good or bad.

"We all do. Even if we don't, we'll make it. Whenever you say the word."

"We all love her too." Not as much as you, but we do.

Nodding, Souji looks past him at the microwave. Nanako's practically part of the group, even if she doesn't know about the TV world and the Shadows.

She knows now.

He flinches at the thought but keeps it to himself.

"Thanks."

Yousuke nods in return, and for awhile, it's quiet again. The microwave hums, the stupid dog keeps barking, and the two of them sit without a word spoken. When the food is done heating, he sets it out, and also gets something for them to drink. Like he said, it's plain stuff, porks cutlets, pickle salad... But to a hungry man, any food is delicious. He's fine with simply letting Souji eat in silence, if that's what he needed.

The food is all familiar. He's eaten it with Nanako--and occasionally Dojima--several times before. Eating is a familiar activity and easy to do without thinking about it. But it feels strange to be eating with Yousuke and not listening to him talk at the same time. Yousuke and silence just don't go well together. Not that Souji can blame him. He taps his chopsticks on the edge of the container in front of him just to have a little noise. Even the dog's stopped barking.

Yousuke responds by childishly tapping his two chopsticks against his own plate as if it were a cymbal. He grins a little lopsided smile.

The corner of Souji's mouth quirks. "Was Junes busy tonight?"

"Nah, not really. I was in charge of cleaning the foot court tonight and hardly anyone goes up there after 6 or so. Everyone around here likes to eat dinner at home I guess."

He hits his glass a few times as well for good measure.

Souji does the same, trying to hit between Yousuke's ~~sick~~ beats.

"That's not too bad." Knowing how busy the Junes food court could get firsthand, he felt like it was okay to comment.

"Yeah. It was a late shift, but there wasn't anyone around to bother me."

Distraction was nice. For a moment, he forgot about what he saw in that bedroom. To have a smile on his face and to see one trying to get on Souji's as well was refreshing.

Something occurs to Souji and his smile slips back into neutral. "Do you have to pick up a lot of shifts soon?"

Yousuke shakes his head. "I'm off for tomorrow and I have inventory in the morning the day after that. I'll be around for going in," he replies, assuming that was why he was asking.

It was. Souji nods. "Hopefully we can finish it quickly."

"Mm."

His chopsticks now sound dully on the table, waiting for Souji to finish. He looks up every once in a awhile to steal a quick glance at his face.

He's lost his appetite, but finishes his food regardless. Yousuke came all the way over with it, after all, and it would be one less thing to worry about.

He got up to clear away the mess when he was finished.

Yousuke continues to watch him, sitting backwards on his chair, quiet. What he came for had been done. Now what was he supposed to do?

"Is there anything..." Or did he just want him to leave? Yousuke remembers all the times that Souji had shouldered his burdens and listened to his worries. He wanted nothing more than to be able to do the same in return.

But it would be hard. While he kept his heart on his sleeve, while Souji kept it buried inside himself with a 3-story concrete fence to keep out intruders. Sometimes he wasn't sure if he knew him at all. And this was one of those times. Had he breeched the gate at all?

"...Stay for awhile?" It wasn't his most eloquently phrased request ever, but for the moment it'll do. Even if he feels awkward again without the distraction of food to keep them occupied, at least he's not alone while Yousuke's there.

"Yeah," he replies, and tries his best to smile, "Yeah, of course. I don't have to be home or anything."

If I stay, maybe you could lean on me a little?

"Is that okay? What about Teddie?" He didn't often get to see Yousuke without Teddie following along lately, except the times they were able to hang out right after school.

"Don't worry about the bear," Yousuke rolls his eyes and blows at a bit of hair edging out from his bangs, "I took care of him. He knows the drill."

...Well, when he's not making mischief. But right now he was just as serious as the rest of them, he'd do his best to not be a bother.

A smile ghosts over Souji's mouth. He nods. "Alright."

And now that the kitchen is clean, he's not really sure what to do. He's used to other people doing the talking, but he's pretty sure it's his turn somehow.

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/icon buddles

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