eatsyourscience | (no subject)

(no subject)

To begin with, it was Naoto's idea to check up on things in the TV world, and it had become so normal to spend rainy afternoons inside that Souji agreed without requiring much in the way of an explanation, though she provided one anyway. He agreed with all the points she made--that they should keep an eye on the movements of the fog, the density of shadows in various places, if anything had changed since Adachi's defeat--but more than anything, he was beginning to miss that world and the time they spent there.

Chie and Yukiko passed, and so did Kanji when Souji tracked him down at lunch, but Rise was happy to accompany them--a good thing, because Souji didn't think it would be wise to go in without her--and so were Yousuke and Teddie, who agreed with Naoto about the importance of keeping an eye on what was going on in that world. Souji couldn't blame him.

Inside, everything seemed the same. Even the damp smell, the feeling of the fog against his cheeks in odd juxtaposition to the way it vanished in the view through his glasses were the same. He asked Rise to do a scan of the area, but wasn't expecting her excited, staccato announcement that there was a new area she hadn't seen before.

When Kanzeon vanished, Souji glanced around to find everyone looking at him and he almost smiled at how comfortable it had become to see them relying on him. He gave a slight nod and with Rise directing him, led the way past locations they already knew.

They stopped when the ground disappeared in front of them. An expanse of open, empty space spread in front of them, filled with a swirling fog that he could see. Resisting the urge to remove his glasses and clean them, Souji squinted. All that was visible were what looked like several bare, unornamented platforms hovering in the air, each at a greater distance than the last from where they stood.

He looked around, then down, then took a step into open space. Rise called out after him, but trailed off when a walkway materialized beneath his feet, extending for a short distance ahead of him. A few steps across what looked and felt like smooth, gray stone confirmed that it would continue to appear ahead of him as he walked instead of leaving him to step blindly and hope he hadn't come to a corner without noticing. Hefting his sword a little higher, he looked back and nodded to the others that they should proceed.

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Naoto glances at him sideways, and with what looks like reluctance, takes a step back. She lines herself with Yousuke

"An extremely powerful shadow, as we predicted. The others before it were most likely drawn to him... And any smaller ones would quickly clear the way."

"You say that like you're not also a part of me, Naoto. Like you weren't also drawn to me."

Souji wants to make a distinction here, a correction. These are his friends and his Personas and his unbreakable bonds. He clenches his teeth around the words, because this is a part of him and he has to accept it. He knows that. But it still feels like he's facing a thief.

Rise comes to his rescue, at least momentarily. "Don't worry, senpai! No matter what parts of you we haven't seen, you're still you."

Souji and his Shadow offer her synchronous smiles.

Naoto falters. A part of...? The shadows words make her think back to the time that Souji helped her solve her mystery, and help her remember what she loved-- being a detective! And she has no idea why. Being drawn. How was someone drawn to another person?

"It's okay man," Yousuke tries to reason along with Rise, "This is nothing. We've been through enough, it doesn't matter what this guy can say. What we have can trump anything he has up his damn sleeve!"

"It does matter."

Souji frowns but the Shadow continues.

"It matters, Yousuke. It matters because it's something you don't know about the guy who knows everything about you. It matters to you, maybe even more than it matters to me. It'll make us even."

Yousuke pauses for a split second-- and he hates himself for it. He bristles quite visibly to have such a thing mentioned and used against him. That was important, and private, and special.

"We're already even. Don't bait me with something like that, it won't work."

The Shadow winces as though in pain and brings his right hand up to hug his left arm close against his side, cradling it. "If you can't accept me, how am I supposed to accept myself?"

"What kind of question is that?"

Seriously. Yousuke responds like that automatically, but after he says it, he does wonder. What did this thing possibly have in common with Souji?

"Souji and I are cool. He knows I accept him. I don't know what you're going on about."

"What do you know about me?"

Souji shakes his head. This can't go further or it will become even more uncomfortable for everyone.

"Enough." He's glad that his voice is firm, even if he's still shaky on his feet. "We can do this without them here."

The Shadow cringes again. "How can we when they're a part of us?"

"Souji, don't--"

Yousuke is confused. Really confused. He didn't think Souji had anything he wanted to hide from others... But maybe the fact that he didn't think so was a testament to Souji's ability to hide in the first place. And even he was, he had no idea what it could possibly be.

It scared him.

"It would be inadvisable to face your shadow alone, senpai."

It's Naoto's way of saying, we're a team.

"I'm not going to deny him." He has absolutely no intention of embroiling everyone in a fight they might not be able to win.

"Isn't sending them away the same thing?"

Souji clenches his teeth, but the Shadow continues.

"Even if you know it's the truth, if you can't admit it in front of them, doesn't that mean you don't accept me?"

"...He's right, senpai." As much as Rise hates to admit it.

"...Correct, Rise," Naoto nods, now understanding this logical conclusion. Although he would be setting a new precedent, being the first to accept his shadow before a fight, "a fact must be inescapable. It means nothing if only you know it."

If Souji were the type to give away his feelings, he would squirm at this point. But he stands still and looks straight at his Shadow, taking him in.

"...I disagree." A thing could still be true even if he were the only one to know it. But that isn't going to get them anywhere. With a sigh, he adjusts his glasses. "But if it will end this, then it's fine."

He knows, as their leader, he should put up a fight, but he's exhausted. It's all he can do keep what remains of his defense in place.

"Please, senpai."

Yousuke hovers uncertainly. He knows Souji's back better than anyone, and from here, he sees the fatigue and weakness there. Normally, he could help when he saw such a thing, but now... He's not sure what he's supposed to do.

Souji doesn't know what he's supposed to do either. This was always so routine: stand back and watch someone let out their secrets and fears and worries, fight the monster, reassure the person. This isn't so simple. He knows his own secrets, his own short-comings; he's just never had to own up to them before.

He tilts his head, stretching his neck. Might as well dive right in.

"Take off the mask."

The Shadow's hand goes up, his fingertips brushing the mask. "Even when you're straightforward, it's calculated. There's nothing spontaneous about us."

Souji could argue, but knows there's no point. He waits in silence while his Shadow hesitates, and then takes the mask off, holding it cradled in his visible hand. The left side of his face and skull is gone, but it's not a gruesome wound so much as it's vacuous, the event horizon of a super dense black hole.

The wound continues down his neck and disappears under his clothes, though Souji's sure that that overly long sleeve is hiding a lot of nothing at all. Around the edges, his skin shows a network of fine cracks and the ragged edge wavers, as though his entire body is one cringe away from collapsing in on itself.

Souji says nothing. The others can make of this what they will.

Yousuke immediately makes the connection between this and Teddie's shadow... It was almost exactly the same. The thin outer shell that fell apart into infinite nothingness, that was so dense and vast it felt like it was sucking you in. Even moreso here, it looked like the shadow was going to crumble away and fall in as well.

What did it mean? Was it because he felt like he was empty as well? Like there was nothing that made him... himself?

Naoto is even more in the dark. She wasn't there for Teddie. And normally people's shadows were so dramatic it made it easy to discern their purpose. But this shadow was just like the real thing; quiet and calculated. Secretive.

"Souji, I don't understand," Yousuke speaks in pure at-a-loss honesty, "do you think-- there's nothing inside of you?"

"More now than there used to be."

Souji's voice is even, though he twitches when the Shadows follows up with:

"For how long?" He steps closer; the tarot cards follow, adjusting their orbits with a bit of wavering and wobbling. "After you leave here, what will happen to all the fragments you're trying to piece back together?"

"We will return those persona to senpai," Naoto says, in a tone of absolutes, "and by force if necessary."

Souji turns his head to look at Naoto. "He meant Inaba."

"Inaba?"

Yousuke understands much more quickly, probably because it was something more immediate on his mind. He understands the feeling.

"It's not like that. We'd never forget about you."

"I know."

This isn't something Souji wants to talk about, but to dismiss it would be counter-productive. It won't do him any good to point out that they won't need him anymore.

They need him now, though. As long as they were going in and out of the TV, they need him, because he's the strongest, the most versatile member of the group.

The Shadow smiles. "Don't you love this?"

Souji glares and moves forward. He's tired of this, tired of not getting anywhere, tired of this Shadow, just tired.

Yousuke's worried now. The appearance of the shadow, along with the things it was saying... He's starting to put together what Souji might be trying to hide. And if he isn't able to accept it, they'd all be in for the fight of their lives-- or the fight for their lives.

But he has no idea what to do. Should they fight it? Should he be backing Souji up with weapon in hand, or with a shoulder to lean on? He feels far away. Like he can't reach him anymore

The Shadow backs away, still speaking. "You're thinking that, in here, they have to depend on you. As long as this place exists, they'll need you."

Souji takes a swipe at the ring of cards circling the Shadow, grabbing for one at random. The Shadow's eyes widen and he sucks in a breath between his teeth as Souji's fingers make contact.

It's like reaching into himself, touching something unexpectedly hot and pulsing, something molten that was never meant to be touched by human hands. Souji's whole body locks up. His sword hits the ground with a scrape and a clang.

"Partner!"

Yousuke reaches out, taking his first step towards Souji to pull him away-- and at that very same moment, Naoto fires a single bullet at the shadow's head. This whole time, she hasn't left her stance, and had a clear shot.

Souji crumples, nerves screeching and raw as though a rasp had been taken every inch of them.

The Shadow doesn't even attempt to dodge; the bullet hits him and his head whips back under the impact, though he only takes half a step back to keep his balance. He doesn't follow Souji to the ground, though. Instead, he straightens, smiling as the rest of his face collapses in on itself, but he doesn't laugh like the other Shadows as his smile fractures and disappears.

The sucking, ravenous force inside him consumes him, leaving nothing behind but a dark hole in the air, the last remnants of the Shadow's form swirling around it and then disappearing.

Yousuke doesn't make it to catch him before he falls, but still throws himself over Souji for protection after Naoto fires her shot. The vacuum of air caused by the inward explosion suck him a few feet towards the black hole-- the others lose their footing as well. Yousuke fights for every inch, nails digging into the floor.