"And don't... Don't feel like-- agh, I don't know," he mumbles, places his head down on his arms, and sighs heavily.
He wasn't like Souji. He wasn't eloquent, or blessed with social graces, or even physically coordinated. His thoughts never came out of his mouth the way he wanted them to. He couldn't raise his voice and make everyone stop to listen. All that he had now was that he was there. And that he knew.
"...If I-- we had been one day quicker..." he lifts his head, and looks up towards the ceiling, "If we first fell into the tv just one day before, it would have been different, maybe she'd still be alive. And I used to think about that all the time. I couldn't let go of it, and I didn't tell anybody. And it hurt."
"But I realized that there was nothing I could have done. You can't have hindsight before something happens. It's just impossible."
"A-and I don't want you to pity me!" he adds, as if it just then came to him, looking Souji in the eyes, "Because I don't pity you. And besides that, we still have a chance-- No, it's not even a chance. We will."
"So... Man, I'm not even saying this right... Don't do what I did, and try to push it all down, and bear it alone" he flushes, remembering that time on the riverbank, "or you'll end up a wreck like I did."
He takes a deep breath, as if all this confession was making him dizzy, and lets his head drop back to the table. His forehead hits the wood with an audible thunk.
"I'm done talking now." he sighs, voice cracking unbidden, "Forever."
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He wasn't like Souji. He wasn't eloquent, or blessed with social graces, or even physically coordinated. His thoughts never came out of his mouth the way he wanted them to. He couldn't raise his voice and make everyone stop to listen. All that he had now was that he was there. And that he knew.
"...If I-- we had been one day quicker..." he lifts his head, and looks up towards the ceiling, "If we first fell into the tv just one day before, it would have been different, maybe she'd still be alive. And I used to think about that all the time. I couldn't let go of it, and I didn't tell anybody. And it hurt."
"But I realized that there was nothing I could have done. You can't have hindsight before something happens. It's just impossible."
"A-and I don't want you to pity me!" he adds, as if it just then came to him, looking Souji in the eyes, "Because I don't pity you. And besides that, we still have a chance-- No, it's not even a chance. We will."
"So... Man, I'm not even saying this right... Don't do what I did, and try to push it all down, and bear it alone" he flushes, remembering that time on the riverbank, "or you'll end up a wreck like I did."
He takes a deep breath, as if all this confession was making him dizzy, and lets his head drop back to the table. His forehead hits the wood with an audible thunk.
"I'm done talking now." he sighs, voice cracking unbidden, "Forever."